Focus on safety means children become more anxious and less resilient

We are facing a mental health crisis. Teens and young adults are more depressed, suicidal, anxious and lonely than ever.

Teen depression rates have been rising since the early 2000s. A 2018 national survey found that 13.3% of American teens experienced a major depressive episode in the past year.

But it’s not just teenagers, young adults are also suffering. A 2016 international survey of university counseling centers found that 50% of university students sought help for feelings of anxiety and 41% for depression. Suicide rates are also rising. In the United States, the number of teenage girls who died by suicide nearly doubled between 2000 and 2015.

Statistics on the mental health of young Canadians are equally grim. In 2003, 24% of Canadians aged 15 to 30 rated their mental health as fair or poor (compared to very good or excellent). By 2019, that number had risen to 40%.

The COVID-19 pandemic has worsened the mental health of young Canadians. In 2020, 58% of Canadians aged 15-24 reported having fair or poor mental health and nearly one in four hospitalizations among children and youth aged 5-24 were due to mental health issues .

What has changed over the past decade to explain this increase in poor mental health among young people? Some psychologists point to the recent cultural emphasis on safety as a contributor.

Change in child safety

In previous decades, American and Canadian children enjoyed more freedom, even as crime rates rose. The crime wave in Canada rose sharply from the 1960s through the 1980s until its peak in the early 1990s. spread further and faster than ever before.

This wave has spurred safety initiatives like sharing photos of missing children on milk cartons and crime shows like America’s Most Wanted. No wonder parents have become increasingly fearful and protective.

Crime rates began to drop in the 1990s, but the fear among parents remained. This is where the problem of being overly cautious begins. The concept of security began to expand beyond the physical safety of children to emotional and psychological comfort. This deprived children of the experiences they needed to learn and grow.

Parental overprotection has been shown to promote unhealthy coping mechanisms in children. Overprotected children are more likely to both internalize problems (as in anxiety and depression) and externalize them (as in delinquency, defiance, or substance abuse).

Some psychologists propose that overprotection can develop into what they call “safetyism,” which teaches children negative thought patterns similar to those experienced by the anxious and depressed. Securityism can prioritize a young person’s safety over other practical and moral concerns.

It’s natural to want to avoid problems, but avoiding things that make us feel uncomfortable can reinforce the belief that we can’t handle certain problems and, over time, make us less capable.

Unnecessary thought patterns

Here are three unhealthy thought patterns to watch out for in yourself and your children:

Identify negative filtering. Do not underestimate the positive aspects of experiences such as unsupervised play (joy, independence, problem solving, risk assessment, resilience) when considering the potential negative consequences.

Be aware of dichotomous thinking. Don’t fall into the right or wrong trap. There is a world of possibilities between one or the other. Viewing people, ideas, places, or situations as good or bad (but never both or somewhere in between) promotes a polarizing “us versus them” attitude and eliminates nuance.

Recognize emotional reasoning. Feeling “in danger” (uncomfortable or anxious) does not mean that you are physically in danger. If you avoid all stress, you will never learn to overcome stressors or understand your full potential. Avoiding obstacles can make us think we are weaker or more fragile than we are.

Painting the world as a place with danger at every turn has created anxious young people who shun activities they would have experienced before. Rising rates of loneliness and anxiety mean some young people are delaying finding jobs, driving cars, having sex, drinking alcohol and dating. Research supports that overprotective parenting (such as “helicopter parenting”) decreases adolescents’ well-being, motivation, independence, and ability to deal with problems in healthy ways.

Generational trends show that across all social and economic demographics, American teens are repelling activities they deem “adult” and not craving freedom like previous generations.

They spend less time without their parents’ supervision because they worry about what’s going on in the world and think they can’t handle it. They don’t date or have sex because they worry about broken hearts, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections. They don’t drink alcohol because they worry about making mistakes while drunk and what people will think of them afterwards. They don’t drive because they’re happy to rely on their parents for transportation.

While some of these are rational consequences to be avoided, they should not be so overwhelming that they prevent young people from growing into adulthood. Broken hearts teach you what you want in a romantic partner, young people can learn to have safer sex, alcohol can be drunk in moderation, and mistakes are healthy, human, and normal. Teenagers shouldn’t be so afraid of life that they don’t feel excited about living it.

Without opportunities to explore and learn their limits, young people risk internalizing a false sense of helplessness and becoming depressed and anxious.

Useful thought patterns

Positive thought patterns must be developed within ourselves. It means giving ourselves, our teenagers and our children the opportunities to become independent, resilient and self-reliant. And that means embracing negative experiences like frustration, conflict, and boredom.

Here are a few tips :

Pay attention to your mind. Your thoughts are powerful. They dictate how you view the world, others, and yourself, so foster positive, rational thought patterns.

Speak louder. Encourage curiosity and productive disagreements. We will never learn to be open-minded or to become balanced people if we don’t question our own beliefs, listen to others’ points of view, and recognize our potential to be wrong. Every aspect of our lives, including our relationships and our jobs, depends on our ability to argue effectively, respectfully, and productively without becoming overly emotional.

Open your heart. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt because most people don’t mean to hurt. Don’t let fear dictate your thoughts and actions.

Trust yourself. Life will always throw curve balls and there won’t always be an authority to defer to. Life is neither safe nor without risk. The best protection is knowing that you can handle life’s challenges.